Did you think to Pray?

I've had concerns. The two men called to be my home teachers (come to see my monthly to see how I am and teach me a lesson) came to my aid last week. As they were leaving I told them my air conditioner broke. One said he has a air conditioner company. So lucky me. He fixed it at a rate I could afford. I had someone already tell me what was wrong and this man sent someone to confirm it. What a blessing. The other home teacher put a saying on an idex card for when I'm stressed or worried. That saying is Did you think to Pray? That has helped me so much. When I feel concerns are heavy in my heart and I then see that card...then I get to my knees and say a simple prayer. So easy, yet overlooked so often.

tender mercies

Got lots of cleaning done today. Then I went to my friends to use this Migun Table that gives your back and neck a massage. It really helped my back. After that I remembered a wedding reception that was very close by. Went home and quickly got dressed up. It was beautiful. Another friend of mine did the food and decorations. I'm very happy for her. She will get lots of business now. This reception was expensive. Each table had five dozen roses. White lights were everywhere. Even high in the trees. This house is one of my favorites. Its a large estate. It was so beautiful that I was distracted from the people there. Too much stimulation. Oh there was a huge movie screen with photos of the bride and groom. Very professional. Usually there is a smaller tv with a dvd of the bride and groom but this was massive.
The reading I'm doing is going well. I'm busy doing the days for my LDS 12 steps. Its very cleansing for my spirit, which is damaged from memories. Even if they are buried they are there. Its not like I'm rehashing old problems but accepting and believing the atonement will heal me. I'm also feeling an awakening that I've never felt before. Its wonderful. This is going to be a fantastic year.

Trying to sleep

Had a nightmare last night so its hard to sleep tonight. Good news as I did get an email from my daughter. She's in Prague and stayed in Germany on the way. Her friends are in a race there. Glad to see her involved in traveling while in Europe. Also my relationship with my son is improving. I have come to see I have issues to overcome. These issues may not be obvious to the outsider but I struggle and God knows my weaknesses. Since my tx is over I've noticed my weaknesses and I'm trying to correct them. Using 12 steps to do this. I have a book for a LDS 12 steps. I bought this book for my ex but he left it here. I saw it as I was cleaning in my garage. I opened it and saw wonderful program. Its what I needed for myself. Its such an inspired program. This is inspired, its free, and it has been shown to work. This is for addictions, co-dependents, and family members of addicts and co=dependents. This last year I cleaned out the virus in my physical body and now its time to take care of past issues to carry on with a emotionally healthy life as I am working for a physically healthy life.

Tired

Had a full day. Made ten dozen tamales today. Then went to a movie with Richard. Nice to be in bed resting. Too tired to say much.

Second Chance

I think everyday is a second chance to improve ones self. To learn to serve and love others. I was watching the video from JB and Pixies wedding http://www.youtube.com/watch?gl=GB&hl=en-GB&v=r7XG5vtsB6s
One of the photos was one of myself my daughter took at Disneyland soon after I finished tx. As the other photos continued on the video with the music, I had a great sense of gratitude for this second chance. Also a sense of graditude for those I'm about to meet at the social in London. As I have my second chance and meet this special group that is getting theres.(I do know some are non=responders but we have a second chance to love them) I'm planning this time of my life I will do things better. I will work on being less selfish. I will work on my co-dependent nature of having to control everything. (This is not easy for me.) I want to trust and have faith in Gods plan and those around me. I am certainly a work in progress.

look forward with hope

Yesterday the air in the house went out. The repairman couldn't repair it yet. He is so nice, very old. He has helped me before. He just takes so long to fix things but charges me a good rate. It was hot last night. Tonight won't be so bad, it cooled off today. Also my back went out yesterday. I'm barely getting around. Had a good day in Church. Good speakers and the lessons were great. I was fine as long as I was sitting.

searching for tickets

I have a day of going to Brighton lined up with my very good Brit friend. I believe she helped me keep my sanity when I was in London with my husband (if you can call him that). Nether one of us guessed what he was really up to in London till the house of lies came crashing in. She is an amazing happy positive person. She is a convert to the LDS Church like I am. It will be fun going to the London Ward on Sunday. Can't wait to see my friends in Church there. I haven't kept in touch with any of them. I left in such a hurry. It was a sad time at the end of my stay with my marriage ending.
I must decide soon about the days going to Ireland, Scotland, Oslo. I'm wanting to cut it back to two places. I just found out I have Irish ancestors. We also have Scottish ones, also British ones. I would like to have more time to do a proper family history tour. I'm sure I'll be back in the future.
I got a call today from a neighbor. Her daughter gives swim lessons. She sold her home and can't use the pool for the lessons. She wants to use my pool for the lessons. I will be compensated. I talked to her daughter about my concerns. Seems like it will work out well. Three days a week...many some crying children. Should be interesting. :P
Saw my doctor today. I got a b-12 shot. I also got blood taken for my hormones, D, and thyroid.

Footprints in the Sand

I'm wondering how I got through tx without taking my life. I'm sure many hcv patients don't feel this way but the interferon really affected my brain chemistry. I'm back to pre-tx self. Glad that was not permanent. Anyone that reads this..LISTEN ITS NOT PERMANENT. Have hope! Also wondering how I managed post tx. That was rough in a different way. Most family members and even doctors wasn't really understanding how long the chemicals stay in the system. The medical community should just tell the truth. It takes 6 months to feel good. Maybe some feel better sooner (I did) but to feel solid ....my opinion...Dr. HUMBLE here.... its 6 months.

I'm thankful to God for being there, helping me make it through. I might not have noticed him there but now I look back, I know he was there during my darkest hours. Its like the poem "footprints in the sand". I look back and only see one footprint. This is a wonderful link to the poem. I feel this way about my life this past year.

http://www.poetseers.org/the_great_poets/misc/footprints_in_the_sand

Wedding

First I made tamales today. My neighbor across the street order three dozen. I made some for my accountant to trade since he always does my taxes for free. Made some for my son for free. Then I got ready to go to a special wedding. My sons friend met his wife to be at my home. The boy also used my home to propose to his girlfriend during the time I was on treatment. He put candles and flowers out leading to the basement living area where they met. As I went to the wedding I reflected on how life is good now. I saw the old group of kids at the wedding reception. There was another couple that met at our home. Also another couple not married yet but will problely get married that also met at the house. It must be a magic house. I told everyone I'm ready for them to start to have get togethers at the house again. I'm back to my old self. Better then my old self. I've matured.
It was great seeing my son tonight. He looked great. He shaved off his beard he was wearing two days ago. Can't help it. Don't like the beard. I'm from Colorado and beards make me think of crazy mountain men or homeless men that can't shave. Although I love my son...beard and all...if thats what he wants. Hes so darn cute..doesn't matter.
Talked to my daughter today on the internet. I could see her through the web cam. It was fun. She wants me to go to Europe for a month and bum around with her. I may take her up on that offer. How many moms have a daughter want to do this? I should do it quick or she'll change her mind, or find a friend to do it with.
Tender mercies are felt in my heart as I read scriptures daily and ponder their meaning. I feel like the world is coming into focus....its about time. Although they have always been there. The problem was with me. The scriptures are like a pair of glasses. You don't know the world could make sense (come into focus)until you wear them...or read them.
Looking forward to meeting my nomad friends. This will be a great celebration.

new chapter 7 months post tx

I think I'm back from interferon and need to start another blog. I want to tell anyone post tx that it gets better. I'm finally feeling like myself mentally. The interferon was rough but I'm feeling good now. I'm just off anti-ds. My advice to everyone is to take them during tx and stay with them till you are definitely ready.

Today I had a ultra sound done at the vein doctors. The technition had a time looking for the veins with leakage. He did find some bad ones. This could be causing the pain I'm having. When I get the laser removal it will help quit a bit. The advancement in how they get rid of veins is amazing. They do it with a laser.

I've been driving my daughters car today since its back from the machanics. I was listening to a CD of hers. This one had a song about a child going off to school. As the family prayed before the bus came, the feeling she had was the spirit with her. I almost cried. What good memories it brought back. It was a beautiful song. I remember having morning family prayer with my kids each day before they went to school. It gave me much needed comfort each day as I sent them out into the world. How thankful I am that I learned how to do this with the missionaries 19 years ago. I didn't have this growing up, although it would have helped me so much if I did.

Peace

I'm continuing to recover and improve. Its been a long time coming. Peace and harmony are returning. I'm saying my daily prayers (morning, night, plus mealtimes)I'm reading my scriptures each night. It may seem to the untrained eye that I'm giving a lot of time to God, but in reality by these actions I'm allowing him more access to me. I feel it. I can testify of this. This brings me joy. As our world faces uncertainty, I feel certain of one thing and that is God lives and Jesus is the Christ. Its a feeling of great freedom.
I will mention something of interest about my health. I saw a doctor today that has a light. It looks like a flash light. But the light can show the veins beneath the skin. Technology amazes me. The doctor and I could see that I had varicose veins. Was this worsen by inactivity during tx? I'm quite sure it was. I'm getting a ultrasound tomorrow and then laser tx for these. My legs will look better with out the spider veins. And feel better with out the large varicose veins. The pain and restlessness I feel may be caused from these. I would never have seen these with out this miraculous light. It will be interesting to see how I feel after the tx for the veins. I won't have much down time from this procedure.
My son came back to Phoenix after a month in Utah. I picked him up at the airport. On the way to his place we stopped for "In and Out Burger". Nice of him to buy me lunch. Good to see him and listen to his youthful optimism.
I'm going to see lots of my hep-c friends in the UK next month. Looking forward to meeting these people that helped me through this most difficult trial of hep-c tx. God really does answer our prayers through many means. Here are these people that have sent me endless messages from cyberspace, and gave me strength. I hope I did the same for some of them.

hmmm

I haven't been on here much since I've had much of the same. This week I feel like I'm having some good experiences. I'm reading again. Oh, how I love to read a good book. I re-read "The Hiding Place". I don't think there is anyone that would dislike that book. Its a true story placed in Austria during the time Germany invaded. This family was part of a underground to hide Jews. The two sisters ended up arrested and in a concentration camp. I find strength in their strength. I can hardly complain about my life without some guilt as my complains are small in comparison. These two women are good Christians that gave there lives to always help those around them and always pray for their enemies. These women are a light to anyone that reads their words. I learned more this second time of reading this book. I think my new life experiences have matured my understanding.
Its the same way I feel reading the scriptures. I can read the same passage one year and the next I'll see something completely different that I had missed. "Line upon line and precept upon precept." This is how we learn through the scriptures.
I would like to announce that I feel like dancing. I was listening to the radio and heard "Love Shack" come on. I know its a cheesy 80's song, but oh so fun to dance to. A few weeks ago I would have been annoyed and turned the channel, but now I was enjoying it and thinking about dancing. I called my friend tonight and told her I'm ready to attend the dances once again. I'm returning to my old personality.
Have now been calling my kids on skype. This has been so fun. My son is in Utah and my daughter in London. I've been able to talk and see them on the webcams. We even had a three way conference call. Nice to have some fun with them. My dog cut that time short as he somehow knocked my sonic drink off the table and it broke open. grrr. I do think happy days and interesting days are here again.