Monday

I'm feeling better tonight. I didn't get much done today. I went through lots of books in my garage. I love books and don't want to get rid of any of them. I always wanted a library in the house. I may try to do that with one of the rooms.
It will help me if I just learn to let go of things, then I feel like I can let go of emotional baggage too.
One thing I've learned this last month is forgiving. I'm learning to be thankful for those problems from others instead of holding on to hurt. It lightens my load as I'm doing this. I'm amazed at the love I have been feeling for others that have hurt me. It also frees my spirit from that pain I've held in.

Holiday

I had been wanting to go on a holiday. My son thought I'm still too ill for a long one so we decided California would be good. It was random in the way we went. We started driving later in the afternoon and got to the hotel at 2AM. I was trying to sleep and feeling the pain come on so I took a new pill my doctor prescribed for fibromyalgia. It knocked me out and my son woke me up in the morning. I knew we needed to go quickly to get to Disneyland. My head felt like it was spinning. I felt better after a shower. I read later that this medication causes dizziness, puffiness, water retention, weight gain. After finding that out I quit those. I'll only take them if I really need them. The day in Disneyland was great. We did get a wheelchair for me. The kids took turns pushing. The Halloween decorations were out and it was typical disney creativity. I loved it. The next day we went to Huntington Beach. We walked around a bit, sat in an outside padio, walked down by the water, walked out to the pier. After that we drove home. Forgot to mention I forgot my anti-ds. By the time we were driving back I had missed two doses. I was fine till the way home I began to have lots of laugh attacks, then once began to cry because I was laughing at someone. It was fun at first but it was out of control. I felt like I was on drugs not missing my drugs. When I got home that night I thought I'd try halfing my dose to 1/4 a tablet a day instead of a half. This will be the third night so I'll see how I do.
I was a bit agitated sitting in Church today and its awful when someone asks how I feel. I want to say my life is great now. They can't understand I've had this virus for twenty years then this medication that works at a cellular level. This will take time. Its my fault for telling everyone post tx should be easy. I thought a month or two would be enough to feel normal.
One things that helps is to say in my prayers all that I'm thankful for. That can make for a long prayer. If I focus on those things my stress level goes down. And I know that my Heavenly Father loves knowing how thankful I am for what he does for me. Just like its nice to hear from my own kids that they appriciate things I've done for them. I also prayer for those on tx. I know how much they need the prayers and strength to get through this.

Working and Joy

I helped a guy that works on cars. He did work for me and I added software to his computer. I will be doing data entry for his invoicing now that the program is in place. I was there a few hours yesterday and a couple today. He did lots of work on my car for a trade. I enjoyed the work I did and felt it was like playing for me. Afterwards I felt so good. I really do have value as a worker. After tx I've felt good days and then horrible days. This guy lets me do the work at my pace so I haven't felt pressured. I'm so thankful for that. I'm also thankful for a job I like...that is great. After I set this up for this guy, I'll find another small business that needs my help. When I can speak Spanish better I can do some of this over the border. This is all just coming together for me by accident. I'm just thankful to God that it may be the answer to my prayers for self-employment.

This is a sweet song and video

For the child in all of us in our darkest hours.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kIuphB7nyVg&feature=related

Friday

I did a lot of work this week bringing back things from my storage unit. I have lots of books. And I have lots of junk. I put everything there when I thought I'd sell the house. Now that I can't sell it till the market improves, I thought I'd bring it home and go though the piles. It took two days and several trips. It wore me out. I had been improving. I had been sleeping well without any pain. Then last night the pain came back. I realize now it must be soreness from overdoing it. Just strange how much it hurts and the pain is all over. Ten years from now I'm sure a discovery will be made about post interferon and ribaviron use. My eyes are still very sensitive but I'm finally feeling some improvement. I've been taking lots of omega 3s and 6s,E, calcium, mag, v. D, buffered C, and my favorite CoQ10.

My kids were thinking of moving out ...and I was thinking it too. lol. A bit of family aggravation, just normal things. Now they may be staying and I'm happy about it. I love having them around and it won't be long before they are moved out. This is a nice sweet time for us. We are finally planning a family trip to California. I always feel a sense of healing as I sit on the beach.

9 weeks post

As I've reached post tx, I have become sober to the realities of health. When I reached the end of tx, I made the mistake of thinking I would quickly be perfectly normal. Although I started swimming for health, I made the mistake of thinking I could eat and drink whatever I wanted. I don't drink alcohol or smoke but I like to drink sodas and eat sweets. I didn't have fresh fruits in the house.
Now I would suggest to anyone who finished tx to live differently. You have a second chance to have a better life. If those of us who finished tx can have the discipline to make it to the finish line, why can't we continue to focus on good health. Just keep up the good work.
I'm not going to be perfect, how boring is that? I need some fun. I'm making every attempt to eat good foods while have some sweets in the day. Of course I'll have a soda or two. But the point is, I'm trying. I have never been one to hurry in or out of anything. When I quit smoking, it took a few tries. I could do that cold turkey either. I had help from the smoking patches that conveniently came out at my third attempt at quiting. Its a load off your shoulders when you just make a desicion to change. Knowing its the right thing to do. I am only human and can't do this myself. I have my prayers in which I plead to God for help. Help me to do what I need to have a better quality of life. I want to be able to chase my Grandchildren around without problems.